2.20 Seeing Red
I love how he threw himself into her arms without hesitation.
There are days when he gets lost in his dreams and thoughts of the past, of the five years spent on Lian Yu. It’s a purgatory of his own making, one that pulls him so deep, so fast that he never really quite remembers how he got there, always forced to take a moment to register where he is.
But when the jungle’s familiar sights, smells and sounds settle around him, all he wants is to escape, afraid to relive memories that are already haunting his every existence, a shadow to every step and ghost to every breath. When he’s there, he doesn’t remember coming home, of the relief and comfort he felt seeing familiar faces and visiting old haunts that were the same yet different. Instead, all he knows is despair, anger, regret and fear, all of it tightly bound together by blood, sweat and dirt. Everything is as vivid as when he experienced it, and that, more than anything, keeps him submerged in the memories.
Before, fresh off the island and the accompanying memories only mere yesterdays, the memories proved to have an ironclad grip, maliciously insisting that he remember every detail, cruel in punishing him for everything he already believes himself culpable (and for which he would never forgive himself).
Back then, the only thing that could pull him out was either a scream reverberating in his ears (sometimes his own, other times not), or the voice or touch of someone bringing him back to the present. (Either way, he would come to with his heart palpitating wildly in his chest, fingernails biting painfully into the skin of his palms.)
There were times when he believed these spells were good, purposeful even, serving to remind him of his promise to his father, his duty to his city, of all the sins for which he has yet to (and could never) atone. (Or so insisted the masochist in him, insidious and gleeful.)
But the truth is this: blood-soaked pasts can be exhausting. More than that, they keep you from a future that could salve, soothe and heal. And he’s learning day-by-day that maybe he wants it. He’s slowly reconciling himself to the idea that, while he may not deserve it, he can nevertheless have a chance at proving himself worthy of such a wonderful thing.
So he tries more earnestly to unshackle himself from the seemingly indelible images behind his eyelids and embedded deep within his mind. At first, he claws his way to respite; there’s nothing to guide him and it is sheer determination and will alone that has him breaching the surfacing and gasping for precious breath.
But these days (and maybe several before them if he’s really going to be honest with himself), he finds that all he needs to float to the surface is to conjure up a photo in his mind’s eye, one he doesn’t yet own, one he’s retrieved from a pocket of his imagination that he has for so long forbidden himself from reaching into. This single image is enough for him to crawl out of the maelstrom and into the safety of calmer waters. Because in this photo Felicity is colour, life, laughter and love, her smile a promise.
(I’ll wait for you to come home.)
Clip from 3x01 ‘We’re A Couple Now, Haters’
Ah, I see. Well then the fact is, I’ve rescued you.
Help was on the way and I was calmly waiting for it.
Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game of “Let’s See How Uncomfortable We Can Make Our Guests,” and they’re both winning.
you know who is extremely underrated???
Alan fucking Cumming
best known as Floop in Spy Kids
and Glitch if you ever watched the AMAZING mini-series Tin-Man
is self identified bisexual
occasional crossdresser in plays
and Tony award winning actor
he deserves more recognition than he gets
ah i love him
Great moments in tv history
The best part is how the hand giving the cigarette doesn’t belong to anyone in the room—no one is wearing that shirt.
I crave intimacy but I get confused and uncomfortable when I’m shown even the slightest bit of attention or affection.